For the first time in a long time someone besides us and the girls was in our house. My parents had come to visit for the first time in over a year. The girls were snuggled on the couch watching “Lady and the Tramp” while Jon and I were making Addey’s favorite meal: spaghetti and meatballs. Just as I was trying to pull out some bread from the oven my phone starts to buzz. During this waiting period I have always kept my phone close. Everytime it rings there is a part of me that hopes it is the call that we have been waiting for.
After 15 months and 22 days (but who is actually counting) I picked up the phone. Not wanting to get my hopes up I tried to stay as calm as possible and listen to the information our social worker was giving us. Once she started talking, I knew this could be ‘it’. I mouthed to Jon, “it’s HER”. We hung up the phone and tried to soak in everything that was said. Having to rush back to the ‘reality’ of hungry kids and parents waiting for dinner, we started trying to telepathically speak to each other since we only had a few hours to make a decision. There was a baby girl in the NICU waiting for us and all we had to do was say, “yes”.
After dinner, we quickly tucked our girls into bed wondering if that could be the last time we tuck just two into bed. We came down and turned our bedroom into a war room and just started talking it out. The rest of the night we pulled out newborn clothes and diapers, heads spinning with anxiety and excitement, researching, calling our friends who work in medicine, and trying to make the best decision for our family. We had a lot to consider with a ton of unknowns. This world is messy and broken and stepping into brokenness can be difficult. We want to be the best parents possible for the children that enter our home. We also want to control everything and be prepared but with adoption that is never really possible. Adoption always comes from loss and brokenness. It is hard to let go of fear, expectations, and uncertainty. And yet, at the end of the day, we know that we are the lucky ones. We get to love three little girls that in a perfect world, would never be ours.
God has shown up in our story again and again. Sometimes in the biggest ways and sometimes in the smallest ways. The Lord has helped us fully fund an adoption during a pandemic and at the same time gave us space to make decisions by having my parents here to watch Addey and Lottie. So we said ‘yes’ trusting that God will continue to show up even in all of our inadequacies, anxieties, and the brokenness. It has been the wildest ride but we are happy to announce the arrival of Eleanor into our family.
Born 5/13/2021 Home 5/21/2021
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