Unanticipated Joy and Struggle

Our adoption journey started off with excitement and anticipation, within a few months of deciding to adopt, we had decided on what type of adoption we wanted to pursue (domestic, international, private, foster care) and chosen an agency. We went to an orientation meeting where we dove into adoption information and met other people looking into adoption. From there, there were mounds upon mounds of paperwork to fill out, classes to take, and certifications to get. We completed interviews, more paperwork, and a home inspection along with having to redo paperwork that was lost by the state offices. It was a time where I felt in control, where it was up to me how quickly or slowly we completed all of the requirements to become certified to adopt. I would organize what I wanted to complete each week and give Jon a to do list or casually walk up to him with a pen and paper in need of his signature. During this time, each time I completed something on my list I felt closer to getting our baby home. It felt good to check off things on the list and be able to do something to get our adoption process going. We were certified, meaning we had completed all the requirements, on April 17, 2015. I felt so ecstatic to have everything on our list completed and checked off. I felt like we had accomplished something big and we were excited for the next step: the wait.

I had expected the wait to be typical as with any adoption: long, tiring, unknowing, hard to keep living normal life with the possibility of getting a baby at any time. I knew it would be a time to do things that we won’t be able to do once we have our little one: go to movies, take long naps, be spontaneous, go on vacation, go out to dinner. I had expected all of these things but I never expected it to be so quiet and feel like the rest of the process is completely out of my control or that we would be so loved, encouraged, and supported by our wonderful community around us.

I was warned by our social worker that it might be quiet, that we may not hear anything for 3-6 months. I was also warned that there is nothing I can do at this point to speed up the process or control the situation. While I know that, it is completely different to actually live that out day to day while anxiously awaiting for the call. The love and support we have received has also been completely different than I had thought it would be. We have been given so much unexpected encouragement through kind words, gifts, financial support, prayer. Our church family let us speak during a service about our adoption journey and prayed for us. I have been invited to be in a mom’s group. We have friends who consistently email or text us just to see how we are holding up. We have family that has so generously given us resources to help bring our baby home. We have been given a stroller, car seat, swing, and so many other baby things so we won’t have to rush around once we get the call.

For us, we have had some good and bad days, some days can feel so long. The majority of the wait so far has not been as bad as I thought it would be though. It has been long, and will continue to be yet it has also been full of slow, quiet mornings where I have time to read and spend my days taking care of myself, long dinners full of great conversation and connection, and time to see friends and go on vacations. For us, we feel pretty positive about our waiting time so far and focus on not if we will get a baby but when. We will get a baby,that is not a question. The question for us is when and we truly want to live and enjoy this time together that we will never get back.