There are times in life when we get wrapped up in using all of our time and energy focusing on the next goal, the next big event, and the next thing to do. I remember when Jon and I began dating. I was a college freshman and he was a junior. Even before things became FBO (Facebook Official, which is the only gauge of your relationships seriousness in college), people were already asking, “When are you going to make it official?” After six painfully awkward months, we were official. Immediately after we made it official, everyone was asking, “When are you going to get engaged?” Flash forward, three years and we just got engaged. The questions turned to, “When is the wedding?” And of course, after the wedding we were already fielding questions about when we will be having kids.
Today an extremely large box arrived at our door. I’m still unsure of how the UPS person got it up our stairs and onto our balcony. Just pushing it inside was a workout for me. Good thing I’m a mild-to-moderate yogi. Months paid off, as I had to twist and turn myself to get this box inside. All while my husband lazily worked 12 hours in his office.
A few days ago Jon ordered me a stroller I have been contemplating buying for almost a year. There was an awesome deal on Amazon for Black Friday. I was still vacillating the spendy purchase when Jon clicked the purchase button. A little back-story, a few months ago, the same stroller went on a similar sale. Jon told me to buy it and return it if I didn’t like it. I didn’t do that and have been regretting it ever since. So Jon just bought it, mostly to stop hearing me talk about the pros and cons of different strollers.
I tore open the box and began to put the stroller together. It felt strange to put together a stroller for someone that may not even exist yet. Sometimes I feel as though I am getting ahead of myself preparing for the baby, like I should wait longer until things are more real. I feel so in between right now. Not yet a mom but yet still expecting a little one at any time. It’s a weird balance of wanting to be prepared but still living my life and being content with where I am now.
If our adoption takes years and years, I don’t want to look back on the wait and remember feeling miserable, just waiting to be happier once we get our little one. That’s a dangerous path that can be extremely hard to stop. It’s easy to wait for the next thing to be THE thing that finally makes you happy: getting engaged, getting a new job or a different job, having a baby, buying a house.
The lesson I learned from this stroller purchase: don’t let your life always be revolved around the ‘next thing’. Don’t believe the lie that it’ll answer all your questions. Be happy. Be content. Right where you are, this very moment. Today, I am choosing to be happy. Right here, with two giant boxes in my house (because Amazon chooses ridiculous sizes of boxes), putting together the most amazing stroller that I might eventually return. Today, I am choosing to be happy being ‘paper pregnant’ remembering that I am going to be a mom someday, even if it’s not the way that I originally pictured it. Today, I am going to soak up the quiet alone moments that come with not having an infant. Today, I am choosing to not let the next thing be what makes me happy. Today, I am choosing to be content. Will you join me?